The Queen Keys

April 17th, 2020

I have a vision to empower women to activate and deeply connect with their purpose and passion. Or as I call it, unlock their Queendom. And in this series I am connecting with women who are leading the way when it comes to living their lives “on purpose.”

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I arrived in 2022 very ill - that meant that I arr

I arrived in 2022 very ill - that meant that I arrived feeling unprepared. I usually have time to mentally work my way through a year, get a feel for where I started, where I am and where I would like to go next. Covid had me feeling the disorientation of a lack of direction, which reminded me of what meaning-making machines we are.

The truth is that nothing matters other than what you assign meaning to. While that makes everything objectively meaningless, it does not discount from the fact that we are not objective creatures - we are storytellers and few things can bring more satisfaction than a sense of purpose, contribution and meaningfulness.

Without a compass every direction is wrong and without direction, we can easily become lost. If you feel like your goals are already at risk of going in the bin, here are a few pointers to think about first:

💠 If you are struggling to meet your mark each day, you are probably trying to do too much. While aiming for less can feel like failure, aiming for more, freaking out and achieving none of it is far less successful than achieving one thing well.

💠 Who are you doing this for? If nobody knows you're going to do this, will you still want it? If the answer is no then that's not your goal. You are not required to live your life the way "they" say.

💠 If you have a big overarching objective then you have a mountain you are trying to climb. Does your goal take you closer to the mountain? If it takes you further away then this is not a good goal for you.

💠 If you do not know what your mountain is then set a goal around daily routine and self-exploration - something like journaling, meditation or a physical craft. These will allow you to practice discipline that is the cornerstone of all achievement while freeing your mind to explore possibilities for direction.

💠 Always have a goal for your health. Nothing else happens if that fails. Make it as enjoyable but also as realistic as possible. Your body is where you live and it will carry you to the mountain top one day.

Not dead, just quiet. Please accept an ostentatiou

Not dead, just quiet. Please accept an ostentatious flashback pic in absence of having much to say right now. It's nice to sometimes give the finger to the expectations around socials and posting as a small business owner #HaCkThEaLgOrYtHm - ugh, no thanks. Happy Friday, sending love, that is all ❤️💪🏽🦄

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MIGHT MAKE YOU STRONGER, BUT

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MIGHT MAKE YOU STRONGER, BUT IT WILL KILL WHO YOU WERE BEFORE, AND THAT IS OK. We are constantly dying and being reborn, at least if you think of the Self in terms of how you view the world, your beliefs and your values. Challenges can make us stronger, but not without things getting worse before they get better, and not without doing the work.

When something happens that rattles us to our core, we shed a part of who we were in order to get through it. Trauma is a very fashionable word now, but up close is an ugly thing. It creates a sense of danger to our very existence, an uninvited and unwelcome challenge, but when it happens the only way is through.

Digging our heels in and refusing to accept it will only keep us at the starting line while the pain festers and worsens. Burying our heads in the sand may numb to a degree but keeps us investing our very finite energy into something we know not to be true. Assigning blame and holding grudges only adds to the pile of pain but does not make the problem go away. Keeping super busy and running away from it will keep us perpetually fleeing because it will tirelessly chase us until we turn to face it. The only way is through.

Time will not make it pass, but rather what you do with that time. It will take slowing down, taking time to rest and to process. It may take getting some help, and it will take getting shaken by the storm before the calm arrives, but it does eventually come. Then you will know and trust yourself better than ever before because you will have taken your own hand and walked through the path you previously dared not even admit existed.

This message is an ode to the year where I stopped running and allowed my past to catch me. It is a message to remind you that you can become better than what might have happened to you. This picture was a team idea to recreate an intense scene from Birds of Prey (scroll for reference), but for me personally also served for some alchemy - making dark art out of some of what I have survived in my past in a safe environment with people who care for me. The pain of shedding the past can be survived and bettered. You will find peace again 🖤💪🦄

IT DOES NOT PAY TO TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED. Ever

IT DOES NOT PAY TO TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED. Everything, including us, is transient. Even in the trajectory of our fleeting lives, we are granted certain gifts, while others are taken away. It is largely unpredictable, often sudden, usually feels unfair, but it is one of the few absolutes of life, and it can be very grounding if approached with gratitude.

Even the shortest of blessings have brought us joy, and we have the choice of remaining in a state of grief for what we have eventually lost, or of rejoicing for what we might have otherwise never had at all. Even the greatest challenges in our lives also happen for us, as they are the most valuable lessons that bring us to the brink but also urge us onward into growth.

I was feeling sad this morning as I remembered when I could sing, and quite well too. I had a three-octave range and had the opportunity to sing with some incredible groups in stunning locations. I would sing all the time when alone, and it was one of the most soothing activities for me until it was taken away almost four years ago.

I was working myself into the ground, running as fast as I could from my demons, whilst further feeding the toxic narrative that I had carried with me since a very early age. I was in a relationship that was dangerous both physically and emotionally, but I was the greatest risk to my life. I did not allow myself to sleep, I did not make time for the nurturing things in my life and I generally treated myself like I was not worth very much.

I leaned into exhaustion and abuse because it was easier than facing myself and doing the work that would help me believe that I could ever possibly deserve, let alone experience any better. I hurt myself because I was hurting inside and I numbed with exhaustion and soothed with my voice until my body had enough and I got sick. I got VERY sick, and my voice was taken away.

I developed vocal nodules, but by the time they had broken down, I had developed a stress response in my throat that shut down my voice whenever I would feel any form of anxiety. It almost cost me my business and it cost me what I prized most. ***(Continued in comments)***

HOW OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU DOES NOT DICTATE YOUR TRUE

HOW OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU DOES NOT DICTATE YOUR TRUE SELF.

The other day when all things Facebook owned including this platform went to shit was a peaceful day indeed. That's not to say I hate social media - it would be extremely hypocritical to say so. I cannot however help but notice the additional pressure that its presence brings to our lives if we let it.

Managing scroll holes and remaining connected to the fact that everybody only shows what they choose to on social media can do a world of good for your emotional health. It can protect you from chronic FOMO, imposter syndrome and all of the other delights of comparing your uncensored self to filtered others.

It similarly helps to remember that most social media consumption is passive and distant. Nobody who actually cares about you is going to judge you if your socials kind of suck and your quality of life will not improve in any meaningful way if strangers on the internet are impressed by what you post.

How you show up for yourself and those closest to you in your day to day life matters most. Enjoying an activity or an event will be a treasured memory in years to come, not whether strangers respond to the stories of it. It doesn't make social media insignificant, it just isn't the MOST significant.

Who you are and how you relate to yourself matters most. Protect, nurture and prioritise that and usually everything else falls into place in the end 🖤💪🏽🦄

GUILT AND GRATITUDE - Life is unfair, but it's unf

GUILT AND GRATITUDE - Life is unfair, but it's unfair to all of us, ironically actually making it fair in a chaotic and strange way. We all have some tragic things happen to us for no reason other than that because shit happens, but also have some strokes of luck, gifts or narrow escapes that are equally as random. Both can lead to the same question, why me?

While there is a rather firm understanding of how the tragic falls of the hammer can affect our lives, the inability to accept the good fortune is less spoken about but also has an enormous capacity to inflict pain. When something positive happens to us that does not happen to everybody else we are presented with a choice - we can either feel guilty for it or feel grateful for it.

In the same way that trash-talking others does not make your light shine brighter, hating yourself for your strokes of luck won't help bring better fortune to those who might have missed out. It does however mean that then nobody benefits, therefore wasting the opportunity that others might envy so much in the first place.

While it can be incredibly challenging to accept being the one who walks away unscathed from a tragic accident where others do not survive or the one who is granted a promotion where others might be laid off, you do not help others by allowing them to see you throwing your good fortune in the bin. Guilt and shame are so unbelievably painful, but breaking silence destroys them.

The things that we cannot speak about are what destroy us from the inside out, so speak. If you embrace the randomness of the universe and express daily gratitude for your fortunate moments, you also embrace the chance to make something beautiful out of them 🖤🦄